When we fall in love, feelings of aloneness are left behind and we merge together as if two pieces of a puzzle are moving securely into a place of belonging. The state of oneness or merging draws us out of our protective shells, and for most of us our fears of opening our hearts. Conditioning around certain rules,’shoulds and ‘oughts’ are momentarily set aside. When we set aside old beliefs, we are less judgmental, less critical and more inclusive of differences.
A thirteenth century mystic spoke of the two wines of life: the white wine of joy and the red wine of suffering. “Until we have drunk deeply of both, we have not lived fully.” (Magdeburg, translated, 1998)
Falling in love then, is an incredible experience of drinking the white wine. This moment allows us to glimpse, even if it is sideways, and set aside our usual way of looking at things. It is a space that we find ourselves in whereby we break free from the stagnant or the safe and settled.
The merging reminds me of the earlier, slower energy that we lived in before the age of reason. At that time we more or less stayed in slower Delta or Theta energy and merged with our environment, accepting everything as if it were reality. Breath-work and meditation when practiced on a regular basis can bring this energy into our lives on a regular basis. Not the falling in love part; although it does accelerate us falling in love with and valuing our own uniqueness, and accepting ourselves more fully. This self love in turn makes us more likely to bring into our lives, a person to love and who will love us
Alas! We have difficulty staying our non-judgmental state. We cannot stay in the intensity of this white wine very long. It is too rarefied too heady a trip and we are ill prepared to stay. At this point we tend to back up a little or a lot, separate some as we start to see the real person. The tendency is to be disappointed with our lover and become acutely aware of differences and flaws. The feeling of ‘we two are one’ becomes two separate people.
There will be days when it is difficult to remember to be kind, and it is harder to love. There will be times when our loved one lets us down, because of his own needs and will betray us at times to be faithful to him. He will close up just when we desperately want him to be open, and really listen. He will look away in self protection when we want his undivided attention.
It is now at this threshold of disappointment that our ability to love has an opportunity to blossom. Just like a tender herb, really loving is an evolving process. With the herb we have to gently plant it, sun it, and water it. Our love also; to grow and blossom, needs attention and patience every day much like the herb that we want to flourish and grace our tables.